Archive | November, 2011

Workin on My Fitness

28 Nov

Like my old Fergie reference there in the title? Yeah, I’m awesome.

So, after the hubs and I enjoyed not 1, not 2, but THREE Thanksgiving dinners over the weekend, we decided we needed to get off our lazy butts and start working out. B bought P90X over a month ago, but something always got in the way of us starting it. Namely, laziness. I HATE working out with a fierce passion. I’ve tried and tried to like it. I just don’t. I’m Sorry. I can’t. Don’t hate me. (and a Sex and the City reference ftw!). But, 3 massive meals, plus all the crappy ones in between, really motivated me. So, after massive meal 3 yesterday, we went to GNC to get some suppliments and some protein powder. Then, we went to Wal-Mart to get some more equipment (yoga mat, weights, and a pull up bar). After all that, and the work out system itself, we have invested quite a bit of cash to this endeavor. Ah, money, the great motivator. We basically HAVE to work out since we’ve thrown so much money at this thing.

I am always working on my weight. I’ve done Weight Watchers a few times, always falling off the wagon about 5 months in. I’m the queen of “i’ll start eating better on Monday” or “well, I can eat Wendy’s for dinner b/c I ate a small lunch”. I can rationalize my “dieting” better than anyone. But, it’s getting ridiculous. I am uncomfortable with my body. . I’m not going to plaster my current weight all over the internet, but I will say that I want to lose between 30-35 lbs. I know that P90X is supposed to make you gain muscle, so that number could change. I am between a size 10 or 12, and FOR ME, it’s not where I want to be. I guess I’d like to go from my current size down to like a 6. Or to be able to wear skinny jeans or jeggings and not feel/look like a tub of lard. Again, this is how I PERSONALLY feel about MYSELF. FOR ME, I don’t like my body right now.

Let me tell you, this workout is INTENSE. I only made it 25 of 57 minutes. And waking up at 4:45 to do the workout doesn’t help either. But, I’m hoping that the weight loss will be enough of a motivator. Plus, B doing it with me helps. And, now that I’ve told you fine folks that I’m doing it – I sort of have to. I can’t lose face on the blog! I’ll keep you posted on how this thing turns out! Wish us luck!

I couldn’t help but wonder…

22 Nov

While perusing the internets today (at work…shhhhh…), I came across a picture that made me pause and really make me thankful for where my life is right now (see what I did there – thankful – it’s Thanksgiving week…). What was this photo? It was a picture from my hometown newspaper’s “party pics” section. It was taken this past summer at some sort of calendar girl search at a college-type bar. The photo was of my ex-boyfriend, surrounded by co-eds is cheap dresses clutching both him and a Michelob Ultra (no judgement there, I too enjoy a good Mich Ultra). He is 31. At a college bar. Oh, and he graduated a good 6.5 years ago.

He and I broke up about 4 or 5 years ago. I’ll never view him as “the one that got away”. He is the one I ran away from. That toxic relationship that I had to physically remove myself from (him and everyone I knew and loved) – having moved 600 miles away to finally make a clean break. So, seeing him EXACTLY where he was when we broke up all those years ago makes me pause and be thankful. Not only have I moved from that town, I’ve met and married the most amazing man I have ever met, I own my own home, I have a great and fulfilling career. Basically, I’m a grown up and he is not. In short – I win! 🙂

But, I couldn’t help but wonder (very, very fleetingly) where I would be if I hadn’t physically removed myself from that situation. And I found out I couldn’t. I’ve come so far and am so happy with where I am, I couldn’t even imagine it.

It also made me think of a quote from the greatest TV series of. all. time: Sex and the City. The wise Carrie Bradshaw once said:

Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that’s just fabulous.

My wonderful husband has opened me up to the new and exotic, brought me to unexpected places and far from where I started. And he loves the me I love. And that’s the best part.

Update

15 Nov

So in my “We’re Back!” post, I said we’re going to start TTC (trying to concieve) again and that I wanted to use this here blog as sort of a diary for our little one(s) some day. Well, we went to see B’s doctor last week and got some much needed good news. Dr. S said that we have about a 95% chance of fixing whatever is wrong. I figured out that the 50/50 thing last time meant that either it can be fixed or it can’t – thus making the odds 50/50. But, of those odds, 95% are fixable. So, that was great. We also discussed insurance and found out why they said it wouldn’t be covered last time. He did say that we may have to fight it, but that insurance should cover it. I’ll fight tooth and nail if it means that this surgery will be covered.

All in all, the appointment was very short and it was more financial than medical. But, since the financial aspect is what held us up last time, it was very good news. B and I left feeling much more positive and definitely looking forward to the future. They did say that his next appointment isn’t available until February, but something could come up sooner. We’ve waited so long already, another few months won’t kill us. Plus, with the holidays coming up, the wait will fly by!

Thankful Thursday

10 Nov

So, after my last post where I just whined and complained about first world problems, I thought I’d change gears with this post. In honor of Thanksgiving being a mere 2 weeks away, I wanted to list the things I’m thankful for. Since there are 30 days in November, I’ll do 30 things!

1. My amazing husband. I’m not always the easiest person to deal with and he takes it like a champ.
2. My mom – she is seriously the best mom on the planet. When I do have kids of my own, I hope to atleast be half the mother she is.
3. My siblings – I have 3 and they’re awesome. I learn to appreciate them more and more the older I get.
4. My sweet fur babies. They never fail to put a smile on my face.
5. The fact that I have a job – one that I like and I’m actually good at.
6. That I have a roof over my head that I actually own – no matter how much I complain about it.
7. My BFF, J. We’ve been friends for over 9 years and our friendship gets stronger and better with each passing year.
8. My amazing group of girlfriends here in NC. They’ve become the family I chose for myself.
9. My Step Dad, D. He has gone so far above and beyond the call of duty for a step dad, especially since my “real” dad has removed himself from the picture.
10. My health. Infertility notwithstanding, I’m a pretty healthy person and I’m so glad for that.
Ok, I’m probably going to start getting a little silly and superficial now. The first 10 were deep and serious enough.
11. My CHI hair straightener. My hair would be a big frizzy mess without it.
12. My iPhone. I’m not sure how I went so long without one…
13. The amazingness that is Pandora radio. It makes my commute to and from work bearable.
14. My in law’s lake house – it’s the perfect getaway any season.
15. My in laws themselves. As far as in laws go, mine are pretty great.
16. Diet Coke. Amen.
17. Online shopping. I wouldn’t get near enough shopping done if I couldn’t do it online.
18. My photography class – while I’m not sure I’m getting any photography skillz out of it, it’s nice to be learning in a classroom again.
19. Good books. I love love love reading – and a good book is a great way for me to escape into a whole new world (and, now the dang Aladdin song is stuck in my head…)
20. My wedding photos – this may sound dumb, but its so great to be able to go back and live that amazing day anytime I want.
21. The ability and resources to go home several times a year to visit my family.
22. My sweet little 4 month old nephew, M. I’ve only gotten to see him once, but I’m already head over heels in love with the little guy.
23. My husband’s ability to cook. I don’t cook, so it’s wonderful to be able to enjoy home cooked meals and not have to survive solely on frozen meals or take out.
24. The fact that my husband supports me in all I do and constantly pushes me to do/be better.
25. The fact that my husband has more fait in me than I do.
26. Dessert. Mmmmmmmm….
28. Lip gloss – so tasty and makes my lips kissable!
29. The amazing group of women on the infertility board over on Weddingbee. They have been such an amazing source of comfort and inspiration with all our infertility mess.
30. This blog. Hopefully, one day, it’ll become something great!

What are you thankful for this month – or any month?

First World Problems

8 Nov

Ok, can I be a big baby and vent here for a second? Oh, its my blog and I can do whatever I want on here? Fantastic.

So, B and I bought our first home a year ago. While it wasn’t my first choice, I really did like it and it made a perfect starter home. 3 bedroom, 2.5 bath cape cod style home with an adorable front porch and a fenced in back yard for our pups. Sure, it was about 20 years old and the previous owners basically half assed any home improvement projects and there was insanely limited storage – but the price was right and it was in a good location and had good potential resale value. Now, a year later, I freaking hate it. It’s hardi plank siding – meaning wood. So, we’re getting it painted (after my father in law wouldn’t shut up about it. That’s another story for another, less public forum day). While they’re painting it, they notice rotting boards. Boards that our contractor should have fixed before we closed on the house. Big shocker they didn’t fix it. Oh, and in the process of painting, they noticed termites in the front yard. Freaking termites!!!!! Also, in the short 13 months we lived there, we’ve had our roof leak. Twice. We were smart enough to get the previous owners to throw in a year home warranty when we closed. Fantastic – except that there’s a cap on how much to spend fixing a roof. Oh, and the customer service is God awful. So, after having to find our own roofer with the second leak, I’m told that we’re past our 15 day grace period of having the second leak fixed. Fan-freaking-tastic.

I know we’re insanely lucky to even be able to be homeowners in the economy. And, most days, I feel the luck. And I usually like my house. And, I know it could be much worse – like we could need a whole new roof or the termites could be infesting our entire house. But, for now, I’m just pissed and totally annoyed at all the stupid shit going on with our damn house. UGH!

Ok, end vent.

And, we’re back!

4 Nov

So, the title of this post has two meanings. One, I’m back, as in back to blogging. I just started this here blog and have already failed miserably. I am going to try to be better – promise!

The second meaning is a bit more complicated. See, before the mister and I even got married, we decided we wanted to start a family. So, we stopped trying to prevent one. Fast forward about a year and still no baby as well as some other issues (basically, my body decided it didn’t want to do the necessary things needed to have a baby, namely ovulate). So, I went to see my GYN and we tried a few rounds of fertility meds to make me ovulate. We tried 2 rounds of Femara and then one round of Clomid (all hail the ever powerful CLOMID). But, those didn’t work. In fact, my body failed miserably at that (hey, kind of like me trying to blog! HA!). So, we decided it was time for me to go see a specialist – aka a fertility specialist, aka a Reproductive Endocronologist – known henceforth as my RE. I went to see him and he was great. He had a plan, and, more importantly, didn’t need to take anymore blood! I hate needles (and have 2 tattoos – explain that!). But, first, he decided that the hubs needed to have a semen analysis (SA) done just in case. Well, he did, and it was not good. There were no sperm. None. Zip. Zilch. It was at this point that I lost my shit. Well, lost it again (long story short, in the midst of the failed meds, I found out that 5 people close to me were pregnant – either on accident or the first try. Cue losing of shit part 1). It was one thing for me to have issues. They seemed relatively fixable. It was entirely another to have the BOTH of us having issues. It seemed so insurmountable.

So, onward we went to a Urologist for the hubs. He did another SA and it had the same results. A surgery was scheduled to see if he could even produce sperm. Good news was he can! Bad news was if it’s just a blockage – the chances of fixing it were only 50/50. Even more bad news – insurance wouldn’t cover the surgery. At. All. So, while on our anniversary trip, we decided to take the year off. Trying for a baby became too much, it became bigger than us. Our new marraige was starting to suffer. Thus, the YEAR OF FUN began.

We had a great summer. We hung out, went to the beach, went to his parent’s lake house. In September, we celebrated my 28th birthday in San Francisco. We were really enjoying the time off from obsessing about what my body was doing, what his was doing, and all the shit that comes along with infertility. During the summer, however, all the aforementioned babies were born. And they were adorable and precious, and snuggly. My baby fever was coming back. But, I knew that my husband had a harder time with it all than I did and I kept my mouth shut. Then, out of nowhere, last week, he tells me he’s ready to start trying again. I called the doctor’s office and found out that the surgery is, in fact, covered by insurance. It seemed too good to be true. So, I made an appointment for a pre-surgery consult with B’s (B is the hubs) doctor for next week.

Allow me to get all heavy for a moment here. I truly believe everything happens for a reason. I believed that almost 4 years ago when my life was shit and I got an awesome job opportunity to move 600 miles away from everyone I knew and loved, only to meet my husband a month later. Going through all this solidified it even more. In the midst of all the infertility mess, B and I have both changed jobs (he a few times, me just getting promoted within my current company) and are both much happier in our new jobs, and making more money. Had we gotten pregnant last year when we wanted, he would never have been able to get the job he has now (and he has wanted this job for years) and I would have been on maternity leave when I applied for my promotion. We’re much more stable in both our personal and professional lives. Last year was obviously not our time to have a baby. I know we will have one, either this year or the next, or 5 or 10 years from now. Our baby is out there. I just have to keep the faith that I’m on the path I’m supposed to be one.

With this next go round of trying to conceive (TTC), we’re only telling our parents (and, well, you guys. All like 1 of you.). Last time I told friends and coworkers and extended family. Infertility is something that is all too often swept under the rug or treated like some awful disease. I wanted to let people know that it affects more people than you know. And, it was nice to have a support system. But, I also think that it contributed to some of the stress. So why put it in the blog? Because I’d like to have some sort of diary so that when we do have our baby, he or she can look back and see the path that we took to get to him/her.

Wish us luck!!