And, we’re back!

4 Nov

So, the title of this post has two meanings. One, I’m back, as in back to blogging. I just started this here blog and have already failed miserably. I am going to try to be better – promise!

The second meaning is a bit more complicated. See, before the mister and I even got married, we decided we wanted to start a family. So, we stopped trying to prevent one. Fast forward about a year and still no baby as well as some other issues (basically, my body decided it didn’t want to do the necessary things needed to have a baby, namely ovulate). So, I went to see my GYN and we tried a few rounds of fertility meds to make me ovulate. We tried 2 rounds of Femara and then one round of Clomid (all hail the ever powerful CLOMID). But, those didn’t work. In fact, my body failed miserably at that (hey, kind of like me trying to blog! HA!). So, we decided it was time for me to go see a specialist – aka a fertility specialist, aka a Reproductive Endocronologist – known henceforth as my RE. I went to see him and he was great. He had a plan, and, more importantly, didn’t need to take anymore blood! I hate needles (and have 2 tattoos – explain that!). But, first, he decided that the hubs needed to have a semen analysis (SA) done just in case. Well, he did, and it was not good. There were no sperm. None. Zip. Zilch. It was at this point that I lost my shit. Well, lost it again (long story short, in the midst of the failed meds, I found out that 5 people close to me were pregnant – either on accident or the first try. Cue losing of shit part 1). It was one thing for me to have issues. They seemed relatively fixable. It was entirely another to have the BOTH of us having issues. It seemed so insurmountable.

So, onward we went to a Urologist for the hubs. He did another SA and it had the same results. A surgery was scheduled to see if he could even produce sperm. Good news was he can! Bad news was if it’s just a blockage – the chances of fixing it were only 50/50. Even more bad news – insurance wouldn’t cover the surgery. At. All. So, while on our anniversary trip, we decided to take the year off. Trying for a baby became too much, it became bigger than us. Our new marraige was starting to suffer. Thus, the YEAR OF FUN began.

We had a great summer. We hung out, went to the beach, went to his parent’s lake house. In September, we celebrated my 28th birthday in San Francisco. We were really enjoying the time off from obsessing about what my body was doing, what his was doing, and all the shit that comes along with infertility. During the summer, however, all the aforementioned babies were born. And they were adorable and precious, and snuggly. My baby fever was coming back. But, I knew that my husband had a harder time with it all than I did and I kept my mouth shut. Then, out of nowhere, last week, he tells me he’s ready to start trying again. I called the doctor’s office and found out that the surgery is, in fact, covered by insurance. It seemed too good to be true. So, I made an appointment for a pre-surgery consult with B’s (B is the hubs) doctor for next week.

Allow me to get all heavy for a moment here. I truly believe everything happens for a reason. I believed that almost 4 years ago when my life was shit and I got an awesome job opportunity to move 600 miles away from everyone I knew and loved, only to meet my husband a month later. Going through all this solidified it even more. In the midst of all the infertility mess, B and I have both changed jobs (he a few times, me just getting promoted within my current company) and are both much happier in our new jobs, and making more money. Had we gotten pregnant last year when we wanted, he would never have been able to get the job he has now (and he has wanted this job for years) and I would have been on maternity leave when I applied for my promotion. We’re much more stable in both our personal and professional lives. Last year was obviously not our time to have a baby. I know we will have one, either this year or the next, or 5 or 10 years from now. Our baby is out there. I just have to keep the faith that I’m on the path I’m supposed to be one.

With this next go round of trying to conceive (TTC), we’re only telling our parents (and, well, you guys. All like 1 of you.). Last time I told friends and coworkers and extended family. Infertility is something that is all too often swept under the rug or treated like some awful disease. I wanted to let people know that it affects more people than you know. And, it was nice to have a support system. But, I also think that it contributed to some of the stress. So why put it in the blog? Because I’d like to have some sort of diary so that when we do have our baby, he or she can look back and see the path that we took to get to him/her.

Wish us luck!!

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